just your average compulsive waver.

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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo

Hello,
world
(:
:D

If it's meant to be, it'll be(:

"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"

don't think, just run

Thursday, August 03, 2006

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
That's exactly what i'm doing.

I'm so tired and i can't concentrate anymore. I'm so scared for promos. I know it's early, but everyone's started to mug already and it's really stressing me out. Maybe because i know that once i step into the house, every inch of motivation that was present during the day sudden;y evaporates. During random conversation today, it occurred to me. Yes i've got a lot of things to do, yes it's the normal everyday life of a Singapore JC student. And yes, i'm tired. But what's getting to me? It isn't the mundane everyday things. It's the 'other random stuff'. And really, that sucks. It sucks because i'm not obligated to think about the 'other random stuff', i'm not held down by any means whatsoever, i shouldn't let it affect me. Yet, yet i continue to let it ruin my day and turn me into an emogal@hotmail.com. Truly, it sucks shit. I know i need to learn to detach my head from my heart, i need to stop hurting for others and i need to stop caring so freely. If i could, i would. Honest! But it's just not.. Well, it's just not me. And i guess, in some crude way, that's gonna be my downfall one day.
I just wanted to help.
I just wanted to be there for you.

What lousy reasons,
yet i was and still are compelled in every sense of the word to do just that.
but i seem to have lost my power.

I was sitting there today and i looked up
and it hurt like i didn't think it'd hurt.
I was listening there today and i heard
and it hurt like i didn't think it'd hurt.
I was turned away today and i felt it
and it hurt like i was afraid it'd hurt.

Nothing lasts forever, so hold onto it while you can.. Cos you never know when it'll just go away. I wish i could have done more before i couldn't.

~~I wish i pre-empted more than what i did.~~

There was this irritating science teacher who didn't let us take the lift in our PE uniform after PE. Damn neh neh. And we hid around and he just stood there. This goes to show that some people have no life. Honestly. But PE was fun today! I think that if i was a boy, i'd wanna play soccer. Cos actually it's kinda fun. Okay most sports are. Guess it's just difficult to get started and sweaty and hot. I've decided that i wanna be a boy for a day. Only so i can

Pee standing up and not have to queue for ages
'Wham, bam, thank you Ma'am'
Be really disgusting for a day and no one would care
Date a girl (cos i think girls are more fun hahahaa)
Get really big muscles then stare at myself in the gym mirror cos apparently guys like doing that (i really don't know why)
Buy nice guy shoes
Play decent soccer and listen in on what guys talk about when girls aren't around

Seven's the best number.

Thanks Jiayi and Jodee for walking around trying to find The Right Word with me today, to no avail. You guys are the best.. Sorry i was in a foul mood today! And hahaha we're all joining Geog Soc. It's so official now.. Kinda exciting. Haha on a separate note, i smell very nice atm. I think it's the new body soap.

Training tmr. I hope i don't die.

Kill me now, because i'm just too tired to handle anymore.

Lord, pangs of guilt, of helplessness, a tinge of regret but knowing it was what i needed to do, weirdly enough hurt, and maybe emptiness are filling me and leaving me dead tired. Lord, i don't know how much more i want to take. I know it's nothing earth shattering and amongst other larger, more significant problems, my feelings are unecessary - i've got so much to be thankful for. So help me to concentrate on things to smile about rather than wanting to cry for most part of the day again. Lord, give me the strength to get through the days ahead and when i feel like my world is crashing down on me, help me to turn to you in pure, unstained faith that yes, everything will be alright. Because i know that if i trust in Your love, everything will fit into place eventually. You alone hold Your master plans for each of us so give me the patience to wait while it slowly reveals itself. Remind me how to smile, Lord, for You've given me so much to smile about. Amen.

-The Serenity Prayer

ex-oh, ex-oh
2:48 AM